People come to coaching because they want to change something they are not satisfied with in their lives. Many times people have tried all sorts of different action plans to create the change they want, but simply can’t do it once it comes to sustainable change over time. So why does this happens?
Everything we do in life is driven by the feeling we believe we will have by getting or by avoiding something. We act because we want to feel a certain way. Feelings are the fuel for our actions and what drives our feelings? Our thoughts.
Our mind is conditioned to be as effective as possible, it likes to learn patterns and repeating self-learned programs. Over time these thought patterns become an intrinsic part of our subconsciousness. And if we are not the ones controlling our thoughts, this learned behaviours become the sixty thousand thoughts we have per day that will drive our lives unsupervised, just like a rollercoaster. What consumes your mind controls your life.
So even if you have recognised something you want to change in your life and you have created the best action plan to do it, unless your subconscious understands why it should replace a well established rule with something new, you will struggle every single time you try to act differently. That is why people can’t keep to their plans long. If the mind doesn’t believe in the new plan, all thoughts coming out of it will be thoughts against your new behaviour. And if your feelings are a result from your thoughts, they will create struggle. And your actions being a result from those feelings, they will be blocked. If you fight against your own thoughts, you can’t only lose.
New actions are a result of new thoughts. What you need is to understand yourself before you change yourself. And understanding requires peace of mind and compassion for ourselves.
Let’s start with the first: peace of mind. Finding space and quietness in this storm of thoughts is all about being able to separate yourself from your mind and learning you are not your thoughts. It’s about gaining distance and going into what we call the Observer Mode. It is the basis of all meditation. It is about taking one step “backwards” from your mind to literally observe it thinking. Once we start observing our thoughts, we become aware of all that was going on before unnoticed in our mind. We can figure out what is driving our emotions and consequent actions.
Here is where the challenge comes. Turning on the light in our mind, means we will start recognising all pain and problems hidden behind our belief patterns. Our first instinct? Switch off the light fast, because we don’t want to feel the pain. Our impulses will try to pull us off the track.. Our mind only creates patterns to protect us. And that is why change is mostly connected to pain. It means taking down a protection layer our mind created to keep us out of “danger” in a past period of our lives. So even if the danger is not real anymore today, the mind is still conditioned to avoid it.
And here is where compassion for ourselves comes into play. If we really want to understand what lays behind those old thought patterns and feelings we need to look what is inside of us with compassion. One way to do it is looking as a grown-up to our inner child, understanding what caused us to create those old belief patterns. When in meditation as a grown-up you can take your inner child by the hand, warm hearted und full of compassion. Tell your inner child that feeling like that is fine, that you understand and that now it’s ok to walk forward. This is one of many ways to upgrade your subconscious to your new now.
Understanding our inner reasons for doing or not doing something, understanding the cause for our inner beliefs and thought patterns is the way to transform it. If you change yourself you can change everything.
Therefore, when you feel a “blockage” coming up stopping you to act the new way you want, ask yourself: what are you feeling just now? Where does the blockage comes from? Where is it placed in your body? Give you a few minutes to go into the pain or uncomfortable feeling and remember: the mind needs a time of reflexion to adapt.
Understand with curiosity and fascination why you do what you do. There is always a good reason for it. Go from your feelings into your thoughts: what are you thinking when you feel what you feel? Ask this question with compassion, so you may feel safe with your own self. Here it’s ok to feel and to think anything. Accept what your body, feelings and mind are telling you. Knowing you don’t need to push anything off. Just go into yourself and accept what is coming. Feel the patterns and its effects in your body. Let it surface. Be curious about it, take the time to experience it consciously. Take the time to let your body speak to you.
After a moment you will know the cause of your blockage. Comfort yourself, affirming that you understand what was blocking you. You will be ready to consciously create your action plan for change. You can be sure your mind will follow you, once you gave it the time to reflect and update itself out of old believes. You will feel that your body supports your intentions. Your energy will be thriving with your new goal.
So every time you are looking forward to transform something in your life, look inside your mind, be conscious of your thoughts and ask WHY you are doing, feeling, thinking something. Get to know your reasons for acting in a certain way, because that is what is going to create your reality. Once you know the WHY you can consciously decide what you want to change and just do it.
Let your heart break and free all light behind the pain. You will become infinite.
31.03.2017 – Carolina Fernandes TRANSPERSONAL COACH